


Living between hell and heaven

by Fyahlord



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angel Carmilla, Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-07 02:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyahlord/pseuds/Fyahlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When Laura Hollis was 6 she had an imaginary friend named Carmilla. Laura didn’t know where Carmilla came from; she just appeared one day in Laura’s bed room. She was very old, how old Laura was unsure, but she somehow also looked young"<br/>Carmilla is angel, expelled from heaven and sent to earth, for hundreds of years she's been looking for away back to Heaven, charged by higher powers to act as an imaginary friend for those in need, she meets Laura Hollis, but the pair become lost to one another, believing Laura to be her ticket back to heaven, finds the girl years later and attempts to win her over, but soon learns that earth may have reasons for staying.<br/>Angel Au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. friends

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah um this just came to me randomly, i will continue with Rock my world baby, just this thought won't leave me alone.  
> if you see any major grammar issues just tell me, hahaha because I suck at proof reading
> 
> Disclaimer 
> 
> Do not own Carmilla or any of the characters

When Laura Hollis was 6 she had an imaginary friend named Carmilla. Laura didn’t know where Carmilla came from; she just appeared one day in Laura’s bed room. She was very old, how old Laura was unsure, but she somehow also looked young.

She wasn’t playful, but played dress up and tea parties when Laura asked. She wasn’t nice but would tuck Laura in and whisper stories in her ear as the young girl dosed off. Overall she wasn’t a very good person, but she was Laura’s and Laura loved her.  

Laura quickly discovered that no one else could see Carmilla. When her father came into her room and asked who she was talking to.

“I’m playing pirates with Carm daddy” Laura said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Her father looked over to the empty space where ‘Carm’ stood and back at his daughter who was now scowling towards the empty space.

“Stop growling, at daddy Carm”

“Okay I’ll leave you ladies to it then, nice to meet you Carm” he said nodding at the empty space, before leaving the room.

“Bite me” Carmilla grumbled, making Laura gasp and throw a building block at the dark haired woman.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla could lots of things that other people couldn’t. She was really strong, stronger than Laura’s daddy. She would always grumble when Laura asked for piggy backs, but would never say no. She was also super-fast; she could run around the back yard ten times before Laura could do it once. She didn’t need food, but Laura would often catch her stealing chips or cookies of her plate.

But best of all Carmilla could turn into a giant black cat. Catmilla as Laura like to call her when she was a panther, was just as grumpy as normal Carmilla. She was soft and big enough for Laura to ride on her back. On nights when Laura couldn’t sleep Carmilla in cat form would snuggle up behind her. Laura would bury her head into Catmilla’s soft belly and fall asleep to the panther’s purring.

 

* * *

 

Laura’s father pulled her out of mainstream schooling when she was nine years old, after she returned home one day with a fat lip and a black eye. Apparently some kids thought that having an imaginary friend was ‘babyish’ and decided to enforce that belief onto Laura. When she wouldn’t comply they tried physical force instead.

Laura lay in bed that night listening to her father yelling on the phone to the school principle and Carmilla crying outside her window whispering ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

Carmilla stopped visiting her for a while after that. Laura never felt so lonely in her life. Her father decided that home-schooling would be best, and she quickly lost touch with her other friends.

When Carmilla did start visiting again she was much more distant and grumpier. Carmilla could be really scary and mean when she wanted to be.

Carmilla always had a sad look about her that Laura never understood, but most of the time she would hide behind a smirk or sarcastic comment. But now she spent most of her time just quietly staring at Laura, watching her play rather than joining in, her sorrowful eyes fixated on the girl but never reaching out to touch her.

 

* * *

 

Laura was 12 the first time she told Carmilla she hated her. Her father and she had gotten into fight about Carmilla with her father claiming it was high time she got over her imaginary friend and start focusing on real friends. Laura argued back that it was his fault she had no friends anymore storming up to her room where Carmilla was waiting. Angry and frustrated Laura took out her rage on Carmilla who just sat silently as the pre-teen screamed at her. Carmilla didn’t come back for 4 days after that. Their relationship was never the same again.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla never spoke about herself, after 8 years Laura knew nothing about the other girl, except her favourite colour was black, she preferred cats to dogs and that she enjoyed eating chocolate even though she didn’t need food. At 14 Laura was done with the secrets, the mystery and confronted Carmilla demanding to know who and what she was.

Carmilla refused to tell her “You’re not ready cupcake” she said, with a lazy stare.

“Not ready? Not ready for what? For the past 4 years you have caused me nothing but pain and loneliness, I have zero friends thanks to you, my father thinks I’m a freak and I have to visit a psychiatrist 3 times a week”.

A pained looked flashed across Carmilla’s face, but she continued to ignore the angry teen.

“I use to think you were this amazing gift, something special that was only for me, but now I realise you are a curse, something sent here to punish me for some reason”

“Laura you don’t truly thin-“

“Well you know what, I am done with you Carmilla, I’m done wasting my life away believing in you, because they are right, my dad, those kids at school, my therapist. You are not real Carmilla; you are just a figment of my imagination, and illness that needs to be cured. I don’t need you in my life anymore, so just go, leave, I’m done playing pretend”.

Carmilla rose slowly from the chair she was slouched in. Her hands shook and she looked pale and sick like Laura’s words had psychically harmed her.

“Is this what you truly want” Carmilla choked out, her voice tight as her body shivered.

“Yes it is” Laura hissed sharply, making Carmilla double over and clutch her ribs.

“Then I will honour your request” Carmilla groaned, before disappearing.

Laura stood in her room, tears running down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, ‘come back I’m sorry’, but it was too late, Carmilla was gone and she was alone again.


	2. Carmilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This just some stuff about carmilla and her life as angel with different people, bit angsty
> 
> Trigger warnings for Death, abuse, suicide and drug overdose

 

 

Carmilla Karnstein was there the day Laura Hollis was born. She watched, in the corner of the hospital room, invisible to everyone, standing there for hours as Linda Hollis screamed and cursed at the doctors, her husband and god himself for putting her through this pain. And then there she was, little Laura Hollis, covered in gunk and blood crying her lungs out. Carmilla felt her knees go weak at the sight of her. She waited outside the nursery, alongside an awe struck Peter Hollis, both eyes glued on the baby on the other side of the glass.

She followed the new family home the next day, kicking herself mentally the entire time. She felt like an intruder, like she was invading something private and not for her eyes. But she couldn’t help it, who knew how long it would be until she saw the child again.

She stood silently in the doorway, as the new mother and father both held their baby girl. She drifted between rooms, following Mr and Mrs Hollis throughout the house, eyes still fixated on Laura.

The room was dark with shadow of night, but Carmilla’s eyes were not affected. Elephants and giraffes chased each other on the walls. A star and moon mobile hung above the crib, spinning lazily as it glowed in the dark. Laura lay in her pale pink crib, wrapped in a purple blanket and the ear of stuffed cat clenched in her fist.  And Carmilla hovered above the resting child, her hand awkwardly stretched out, wanting to touch the child, but unsure if she should.

The dark haired woman’s desires got the better of her, as she gently stroked her hand over Laura’s head. “Hey” she said softly “you don’t know me yet, but you will soon…. God why am I talking to a baby… anyways this might sound weird, but our futures are intertwined. A day will come when you will need me and I will be there for you, I promise”.

With a deep sigh and a shake of her head, Carmilla bent down and lightly kissed Laura’s forehead. The baby did not stir, and Carmilla whispered goodbye, before vanishing from the room.

She would not see Laura Hollis again for 6 years, not until the day that Linda Hollis passed away.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla Karnstein had spent much of her time on earth putting up with the needs and demands of Humans. She drifted through her existence, moving from person to person. She watched over many people, children, teenagers, adults, men, women, anyone. It was tiresome work, emotionally grating and often unrewarding. She would be anyone and everyone for them. A friend, a sibling, a lover, whoever and whatever they needed she was. Whether she wanted too, was not part of the agreement, but she went along with what was expected of her.

Only they could see and touch her. To them she was physical, as real as anyone else.  

And then they would forget about her. A child would grow up and no longer need their imaginary friend. A lonely man or woman would find someone else and she would be tossed aside.  And so the search start again, too find someone who needed her.

She found many different people each with their own lives and stories. A woman being abused by her boyfriend, a child neglected by their parents, an old woman whose husband had died. People who just needed someone to listen. The woman would cry as Carmilla embraced her, face marred with bruises, eyes screaming for help that Carmilla couldn’t provide. The child would hold her hand and would smile when she praised their school work, something their parents should have done. She would sit quietly listening to the old woman whisper stories about her ‘Daniel’ how handsome he was when they met, how her took her to the movies on their first date.

But even with all these people, it was a lonely existence. The woman with the bruises would never ask about Carmillas scars, the child would never wonder how Carmilla’s day way when she greeted them with a smile and the old lady never enquired if Carmilla ever had a ‘Daniel’. No, her stories did not matter unless it was helping them.

So Carmilla learnt to shield herself, she built up walls and closed off her heart. Because she knew it always ended sadly.

The woman with the bruises, finally had had enough and planned to leave her abusive boyfriend. Carmilla supported her decision. She was packing her bags when her boyfriend came home early from work. He beat her to death in their bedroom. Carmilla watched, unable to do anything. The woman screamed for help, staring at Carmilla who just stood there as the life drain from her eyes.

The neglected child became a socially awkward teenager who couldn’t find their place in society. Years of abandonment and isolation proved too much and they over dosed in their parents bathroom. Carmilla tried to stop them, she begged and begged until her throat was raw, but they had already forgotten her, her pleads fell on deaf ears. She’ll never forget the way the mother screamed upon finding her child’s lifeless body. “It’s your fault” Carmilla hissed, as the mother cradled her dead child.

The old woman passed away with a smile on her face. She was old and sick, her body was slowly shutting down, blurring the worlds of dreams and reality together. A shaky hand reached out, cradling Carmilla face. “Daniel” she whispered, a soft smile forming. “Are you here to take me to the movies?” Carmilla gently place her hand over the old womans, kissing her palm tenderly. “I am, what movie do you want to see” Carmilla asked. “I don’t mind, as long as it’s happy”

 

It got easier to say goodbye. She got used to being forgotten and left behind. That was until she met Laura.  


	3. The birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura goes to a birthday party and meets a familiar face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like, leave a comment if you do or any suggestions  
> slight tw for mentions of death but only briefly :)  
> also i updated my other fic if you want to check that out :)

“Tell me again why I agreed to do this?” groaned 20 year old Laura Hollis.  
“Because I helped you with your Biology essay and you owed me a favour” replied their friend Lafontaine, as they turned into the driveway.  She met Lafontaine during her first year of University, along with Lafs girlfriend Perry. The trio became fast friends, each being a little bit eccentric.

“I know but why did the favour have to be helping out at your girlfriend’s 8 year old cousins birthday party” the short girl huffed as she grabbed an armful of presents off the back sit. ‘Jesus, Perry didn’t skimp out on presents’.

“Come on L I thought you liked kids” joked Lafontaine, catching one of the boxes as Laura tripped up onto the front porch.

“It’s not that I don’t like kids, but having to deal with 30 kids all hyped up on sugar is another thing”. Laura shuddered at the thought of what awaited them behind the door.

Laf just laughed and rang the doorbell. The door swung open revealing a very stressed and dishevelled looking Perry. “Oh thank god you’re here” she exclaimed, snatching the presents from Laura and Lafontaine’s hands “Sweetie they’ve gotten into the soda can you-“

“Already on it” Lafontaine said pecking Perry’s cheek and marching off outside, where the demon spawns awaited. “Wow some party” Laura chuckled as Perry flopped onto the sofa. “I am never having kids” she mumbled into her hands, making Laura snort.

“Amen to that”

 

* * *

 

After helping Perry and Perry’s mom Sarah prepare some French fries and chicken nuggets, Laura ventured outside to see how Lafontaine was going.

“Having fun” smirked Laura, looking at her friend who was currently tied to a tree. As a group of small children with pool noodles and plastic swords circled them.

“Could be worse” they replied with a grimace “Ow ow, not the shins”.

“Kids there are chicken nuggets and French fries inside” Laura announced, causing all the little monsters to drop their weapons and rush into the house. “You okay?”

“I think one of those kids stabbed me with a fork, but aside from possible internal bleeding, peachy”.

“You are such a dork” Laura said as she untied Lafontaine.

“LaFFFFFFFFF” sang a little girl with wild red hair, who rushed out of the house with a plastic plate of assorted party foods. “Aunty Sarah and Perry told me to give this to you” she smiled, handing the plate to them.

“Thanks kiddo, hey have you met my friend Laura, Laura Sophie, Sophie Laura”. The little girl eyed Laura carefully, before pulling out a candy from her pocket which she then shoved into Laura’s hand.  
“Um thanks” Laura said awkwardly with a smile. “Millie gave them to me, but you can have one” explained Sophie as she pulled out another candy and popped it in her mouth.

“Oh can I have one” Lafontaine asked.

“No, Millie said this candy is not to be shared with dimwits, I’m not really sure what that means, but she said it meant you and Perry”.

“Ouch wow Millie is harsh” Lafontaine chuckled, as they dug into their chicken nuggets. “Tell Millie that she is being very unfair”.

“I will, she said she’ll be here for the cake, she’s out getting me a special present for my birthday” the 8 year old smiled cutely, so cute that Laura couldn’t help but smile back. The little red head quickly grew bored of the two adults and sprinted back inside to join her friends.

“Such a sweet kid” Lafontaine said sadly, sitting down on the grass “it really breaks your heart”.

“What does” asked Laura, joining them on the ground.

“A few months ago, Sophie lost her parents in a car accident, that’s why she’s been living here with Perry’s mum” Lafontaine told Laura.

“Oh wow, that’s awful…. Poor girl” said Laura sadly, she knew how it felt to lose a parent, but to lose both at such a young age, was truly tragic and Laura’s heart went out for Sophie. “How is… how is she dealing with everything”, she asked, her mind flashing back to her own experience, how she locked herself in her room for days, refusing to eat and get out of bed.

“She’s dealing with it as best she can; she has her good days and her bad days. Millie has been helping her a lot but I’m worried about her and so is Perry.”

“Is Millie like a therapist or grief councillor?”

Lafontaine chuckled at Laura’s comment. “Nah she’s like her imaginary friend or something, which is fine and all cos she’s a kid, but it’s become like an obsession, like she seriously believes this person to be real” they answered, shaking their head “I mean I’m guessing it a coping mechanism, but still it is a little weird don’t you think?”

Laura remained silent. ‘It can’t be…. No that’s ridiculous’ her thoughts filled with a smirking brunette with sad eyes. “Um yeah I mean I wouldn’t call it weird kids deal with things differently, but it is something Perry’s mum should keep an eye on” she finally answered, still preoccupied with her own thoughts. ‘Come on now Laura, you haven’t seen her in 6 years, she’s not real, don’t start letting your imagination get the better of you’.

“Hey guys the cakes ready” yelled Perry’s mum from the kitchen. Lafontaine hopped up eagerly, their hand stretched out for Laura to grab. “Thanks” she said as they pulled her to her feet. “You alright L?, you’re looking kinda pale?” they enquired “I could take you temperature or run a few tests if you like?”

“Whoa, calm down there bio major, I just… I just think I’m getting a head ache”

“Okay….. no one every lets me take blood samples” they muttered, sulking into the house. Laura giggled at her friends antics. Entering the house was like entering a war zone, children throwing food at one another, the floor littered with toys like a mine flied and the deafening sound of screaming.  “Quieten down children, please be quiet” Perry tried to yell over the noise but was ignored.

“OI SHUT UP” Lafontaine bellowed, making all the kids screech to a halt and close their mouths. “Um thanks sweetie” Perry panted, just as her mother walked in with the cake.  “Happy birthday Sophie” Sarah beamed at the 8 year old, placing the mountain of a chocolate cake in front of her. The cake was in the shape of a horse and Laura felt her mouth-watering at the sight of all that chocolate.  

“Wait, we can’t have the cake yet” Sophie wailed “Millie isn’t here yet”. Lafontaine tried to contain a sigh, whilst Perry and her mother shared a concerned look, but quickly covered it with a smile. “Sophie can’t you just make Millie appear for you” Sarah asked. “No it doesn’t work that way” frowned Sophie “I don’t want cake until she gets here, she promised she would be here for cake”.

“That’s right Kiddo, and I always keep my promises” came a voice at the door.

“Millie” cheered Sophie.

“Holy shit” whispered Laura.

………

“Cupcake?”


	4. Crashing the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After many years apart Laura see's Carmilla again at her friend's cousin's birthday party, this is the reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of update, will try to write more, we now starting to get more into the story

_“Carmmmmmmm!!!”_

_The dark haired woman looked up from her book, to meet the fierce gaze of puppy dog eyes._

_“Yes cupcake?”  
“Play hide n seek with me”_

_“Uhhh…”_

_“Pleaseeeeee, you promised”_

_Puppy dog eyes intensifies, along with a curled bottom lip._

_“Uhhhhhhhhh…”_

_“Please, please, please”_

_“Fine…. I guess I’m it?”_

_“Yep, count to 20 and no peeking”_

_‘Sigh’ “Okay 1,2,3…..”_

* * *

 

“Cupcake?”

She looked exactly the same as day Laura told her to leave, beautiful, pale and dressed head to toe in black. The dark circles under her eyes were more prominent and she looked skinnier, her skin seemed to be practically hugging her bones. She seemed to have a permanent jitter about her, but apart from all that she was the same Carmilla Laura remembered. 

Carmilla appeared to be in equal shock as Laura, staring at the smaller woman with wide eyes. “Millie, sit next to me” Sophie called, but Carmilla remained still, apart from the small tremors that would wrack her body every now and again.

“Uh L.. you okay?” asked Lafontaine, and Laura’s gaze snapped away from Carmilla.  “Uh, yeah I-I’m fine” she stuttered, glancing back at Carmilla “I still have a headache”.  With one final look at Carmilla, Laura turned her attention back to the birthday cake.  On the outside Laura managed to maintain a calm appearance, but on the inside a storm was forming.

‘This isn’t happening, this isn’t real, she’s not real, HOW CAN SHE BE REAL?’

She could feel a panic attack coming on. ‘Breathe, just breathe, in and out’. She didn’t want that to happen, not with so many people present. They’d think she’d lost her marbles if she started screaming at an invisible person.  She could feel Carmilla staring at her, but she didn’t dare look. ‘Just ignore her and she’ll go away, maybe I should think about booking some sessions with Dr Menton again’. “Millie…?” she heard Sophie whisper quietly, the little girl looked so lost and confused, her gaze switching between Carmilla and Laura. Seeing Sophie’s dumbfounded stare at Laura Carmilla knew that she was the one that needed to defuse the situation. “Hey Kid, l-I got you something, it’s really um cool... I’ll give it to you later, okay” Carmilla said in a shaky voice, trying to distract Sophie’s attention away from Laura.  It seemed to work and the little girl clapped her hands, nodding her head furiously with a big smile. “Come on Soph blow out the candles” Carmilla smiled tenderly. The 8 year drew in a huge gulping breathe, before letting practically spitting the candles out. Everyone sang happy birthday and cheered. And when Perry’s mum asked who wanted cake, dozens of little hands shot up.

“Ewww dude” Laf chuckled as Perry began handing out pieces of cake which were covered in spit. (They still ate it though, something about strengthen the immune system and that no one can pass up on chocolate cake)

“Laura do you want some cake?” Perry asked holding a plate in front of Laura.   

“Um no thanks Perry, not that hungry anymore” she tried to smile, but it came off as more of a grimace. Currently her stomach was doing so many flip flops she doubted she would be able to keep anything down. Looking over her shoulder she could see Carmilla sitting next to Sophie, an untouched mound of cake in front of her and a shiny red party hat on her head.  Sophie was telling Carmilla about all the presents she had received

“Jamie got me a new pogo stick and Laf and Perry got me a really cool chemistry set, Laf’s going to show me how to set it up”.

Carmilla remained silent, smiling and looking utterly engrossed in Sophie’s story. But Laura could sense that Carmilla was also trying to distract herself. Looking at the two interact, Laura couldn’t help but think back to her childhood. A time when Carmilla was engrossed in the silly stories she had to tell.

“Laura Hollis, you are my entire world” Carmilla would say “There’s no one else quite like you”.

‘Looks like I was replaced easily enough’ thought Laura bitterly. It was now apparent to her that yes, Carmilla was indeed real. All those years spent seeing psychiatrists and being told that Carmilla wasn’t real, were all wasted. All that time spent trying to forget her imaginary friend, isolating herself away from her friends and family, thinking that she was some kind of freak…. wasted, every second of it. The whole time Carmilla had been real, and here she was, wrapped up in some other little girl, eyes fixated on her like a mother to her daughter.

“Laf, I… I need to go, please tell Sophie Happy Birthday for me” Laura murmured pushing passed them.  “Whoa, why are you leaving? Everything alright?” Laf asked catching Laura’s elbow before she could escape. “What? Oh yeah everything is fine, just this darn headache you know, I think it might be a migraine, need to go home and lie down for a bit” she lied, drawing Carmilla’s attention back to her. In her peripherals she could see Carmilla scowling, the dark haired woman knew she was lying, instead Laura was leaving to avoid her. ‘Good’ Laura thought ‘She should know that I am purposely avoiding her’.  

“Oh, do you need me to drive you?”

“No no, I’ll just get a cab, anyways see you later”

Her exit path to the door meant she had to walk passed Carmilla, who was now watching her like a hawk, much to Sophie’s displeasure. “Millie” the little girl whined, trying to capture Carmilla’s attention. “Laura” uttered Carmilla, as Laura passed her. Laura didn’t acknowledge her, instead continued her steady pace to the door. “Laura” Carmilla tried again this time louder and more desperate, but Laura was already gone.

“Millie” Sophie whispered in Carmilla’s ear, hands cupped so no one could hear “why can Laura see you? Is she special like me?”

“We met a long time ago, and yes she is special like you. She’s… She’s just forgotten that she’s special…”

“Well if she’s forgotten why don’t you go remind her?”

 

* * *

 

**At Laura’s place**

Now that Laura was alone she didn’t know what to do, at the party she was trying to contain her emotional breakdown. But now no one was here, she could just collapse into puddle of her own tears, or fly into a full-fledged panic attack. So why wasn’t she? Because the initial panic and emotional climax was over, now she just felt numb and tired.

Falling onto the couch, Laura covered herself in a blanket and curled into the fetal position. ‘Well this is nice’ she thought calmly taking in a deep breath ‘I’m just going to stay like this for the rest of the day’.  

 

“Laura?”

“Holy shit!” Laura yelped, falling off the couch and flailing on the floor. Standing in her door way was a very tired and dishevelled looking Carmilla. However she was only there for a moment. Seeing Laura fall, Carmilla was next to her in a flash. “Laura, are you okay?” She asked, trying to help the blonde to her feet. “Yes! Will people stop asking me that! And more importantly what the fuck are you doing here!” yelled Laura, trying to shove the taller woman away, with little to no effect “How the hell did you find me!”

Her face was probably bright red and her hair most likely looked like a mess, but she didn’t care, all she wanted was some answers.

“Laura please, I just want to talk” Carmilla said, holding her hands in front of herself and taking a step back to give Laura some space.

“Well I don’t want to talk to you, now how the hell did you find me?”

“When you saw me again and realised I was real, our bond reconnected, so I was able to follow it here” admitted Carmilla bashfully. Upon hearing the words bond and reconnect Laura took a step back and Carmilla knew that she had freaked Laura out even more. “Look I’m not here to force my way back into your life, I know you don’t want me around anymore and I will respect that, but please just tell me how you are, what you are doing with your life, please… you owe me that much”. She needed to know, it might be selfish, but it was like seeing the person you cared about more than anyone for the first time in years, you just had to know everything that had happened while you were away.

“Owe you? I owe you shit Carmilla, now please leave” Laura snapped. Laura wasn’t sure where this rage was coming from; all she knew was that she was hurt, frightened and so very confused.

A look of pain washed over Carmilla like it did the first time Laura told her to leave.  But this time Carmilla, took in a deep breath, squared her shoulders and remained exactly where she stood.

“No” she gritted out, her arms were shaking as if she was straining against something “I no longer belong to you, you cannot command me to do anything anymore, I will leave, when you tell me what I want to know, you’ll never have to see me again”. Laura was shocked, not once in the time she had known Carmilla had the dark hair woman spoken to her like that. Carmilla would always do whatever Laura asked even when she didn’t really want to.

Laura looked like she was about to argue, so Carmilla flopped down onto the couch, basically say ‘I’m not going anywhere’. Laura bit down on her tongue to stop herself from screaming. “Fine but you have to answer some of my questions, let’s make a deal, we get three passes meaning you can skip three questions if you don’t want to answer”.

“Deal”

“Okay… you can start”

 


	5. Questions

“Um… how are you?” Carmilla asked shyly, her eyes burning with curiosity and unconditional love which made Laura feel uncomfortable. The living room seemed so much now smaller, crowded, Laura felt trapped under Carmilla’s presence.

“Fine”

“Fine? Is that all you’re going to say? Just fine” pressed Carmilla, looking insulted and hurt at the answer. “I know when you’re lying, you seem to have forgotten that I know you better than anyone…you don’t trust me anymore that’s why you’re lying to me.”

Laura bit down on her tongue, she hated that Carmilla always knew what she was thinking.

“I answered your question, now it’s my turn, useless you don’t want to do this anymore”

“That’s not fair and you know it” Carmilla sighs leaning her head against the couch, Laura was not going to make this easy for her.

 Laura had changed, she was no longer the little girl Carmilla once knew. She was no longer the little girl who would sulk every time Carmilla left or would give her a big hug when she returned. Carmilla waited for Laura to provide her with a better answer, but after a long pause of silence and hostile glare she realised she wasn’t getting one.

“Fine, you’re turn, ask away” she snapped giving up.

“What are you?” questioned Laura bluntly. There was a harsh edge to her voice and Carmilla could tell she’d been wanting to know the answer for a long time.

“Not human” Carmilla replied with a smug smirk. If Laura was going to play this game then so was Carmilla, only she knew how to play it better, she’d been doing it for centuries now.

“Fuck you Carmilla” Laura hissed. She had spent years of her childhood asking Carmilla what the dark hair beauty was, never receiving an answer, but back then it was just childhood curiosity. Now she was in no mood for Carmilla smartass attitude. She was frustrated, scared and angry, all this revelation had been very emotionally taxing, and Laura felt herself on the verge of tears. But she would not cry, not in front of Carmilla.

Though Laura tried to hide it her feelings did not go undetected by Carmilla. Laura’s anger and desperation broke Carmilla’s heart. She really had no reason not to tell Laura what she was, she just didn’t like talking about, it brought up… painful memories, that she didn’t want to associate with Laura. But the small blonde wasn’t budging. The deal of declining three questions seemed be off the table. Carmilla let out a long heavy breath, before she began her explanation.

“I was human once, a long time ago” she begins slowly, and Laura takes a seat “now I’m not so sure, I’ve had many names, but the people that sent me here called me an angel, whether that is true or not is debatable, all I know it means I cannot die, my job is simple, to seek out and watch over specific humans, for however long is necessary”.

Neither girls look at each as Carmilla speaks, both staring straight ahead at the wall.

“So you’re like a guardian angel” Laura asked, after Carmilla finishes.

“Yeah something like that” Carmilla smiled sadly. An angel or a demon, depends on who you ask.

“So you’re an angel that only certain people can see, and you follow them around for, attention? Money? love? What?” sneers Laura.

“What? No none of those things, my duty is to serve human’s, I gain nothing from my interaction with them, my sole purpose is to provide them with what they need” Carmilla exclaims looking slightly offended by what Laura had said, her tone was slightly bitter, which Laura picked up on. “I think you’ve asked more than three questions just then”.

“Shut up” muttered Laura as she tried to think, she stood up and began to pace. “Do you have like wings and a halo?” It was a dumb question that provide no important answers, but Laura was always a curious person.

“Sometimes”

“Sometimes? What does that mean?”

“It means sometimes”

“You’re an asshole” growled Laura, even when Laura was a kid Carmilla would always find a way to avoid her questions.

“You’re the one who started it cupcake, so its fine when you act this way but when I do I suddenly become the bad guy?” Carmilla was done with Laura treating her like dirt. And too her credit Laura actually looked ashamed by what Carmilla had said.

“Fine I’m sorry, anyways it’s your turn to ask a question” murmured Laura. Her apology was reluctant but sounded sincere.

“Did, you… did you ever miss me?” Carmilla whispered, almost choking on the question.

‘Yes everyday’ thought Laura.

“No”

Never in her life had Laura seen anyone so shattered, so heartbroken, not even her father when he visited her mother’s grave looked this broken.

“Oh” was all Carmilla said.

She didn’t cry, Laura didn’t expect her to, but god Laura wished Carmilla did, it would be better than the blank dead stare etched across the angel’s face.  “I just thought… never mind, I’m, I’m going to go” sighed Carmilla as she rose from the couch.

“Wait you promised to answer my questions” demanded Laura grabbing Carmilla’s arm before the angel could materialise into a cloud of black smoke.

“No fuck you Laura, you have no idea how it feels to-… you sent me away, you didn’t want me anymore, and I did exactly as you asked, I gave you space. So I don’t have to answer to you, not anymore, I don’t belong to you!” Carmilla was yelling now, screaming more like it, it was unsettling to see the once so emotionally controlled woman, to absolutely lose it.

“You belong to Sophie now” Laura muttered bitterly. It made Carmilla angry that Laura was suddenly acting like she cared, and that she had dragged Sophie into the argument.

“Yeah… Sophie’s a great kid, she means a lot to me, like a little sister, sometimes I think of her as my kid, I love her” Carmilla admitted with a gentle smile, the mentioning of Sophie calmed her down greatly. Laura knew that Sophie meant a lot to Carmilla, from the way that the Angel looked at the little girl.

“And me? What was I too you?”

…….

“What was I too you?” Laura asked again, this time with more force.

“Everything”

Laura shouldn’t have been shocked by the answer, but she was still taken aback. It was easier to believe that Carmilla didn’t care about her, that she only wanted to hurt Laura. But it wasn’t true and Laura knew that. Believing that lie made it easier to send Carmilla away, made it hurt less, made becoming ‘normal’ easier. But Carmilla was real, she wasn’t just a figment of Laura’s imagination, there was no normal to begin with.

“Everything” whispered Laura,

“Yeah….” Carmilla rubbed the back of her neck bashfully. “It doesn’t matter now anyways… not like you want anything to do with me anymore”. She tried to make it sound like she was joking, but Laura could hear the hurt in Carmillia’s voice.

Laura bit down on her lip. “Well” she hesitated “Maybe…… never mind”.

“No say what you were going to say, please” Carmilla pleaded uncharacteristically.

“Maybe… Maybe we can start over, not like before, but like start fresh” proposed Laura, she was still unsure but she was willing to perhaps let Carmilla into her life once more.

Carmilla looked absolutely shocked, like she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She shook her head sharply to snap herself out her stupor.

“I’d like that very much” Carmilla admitted quietly, with a soft smile.

‘She looks so happy’ thought Laura, and she couldn’t help but also return a smile. “Perhaps we could, see each other tomorrow afternoon?”

“Um I’ll be with Sophie all day tomorrow, but maybe tomorrow night?” Carmila hide her eagerness well, but on the inside she was doing backflips.

“Sounds good”


	6. Progress?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura have a long meaningful talk, perhaps things are slowly improve  
> Also Perry thinks there might be something wrong with Laura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a long time hhaha sorry  
> Trying to write more
> 
> Leave a kudos and a comment if u want  
> anything u see u want me to change of if u have any ideas or problems with grammar let me know :)  
> also feel free to follow me on tumblr just started using it (would be great if u did) :)  
> http://lovefromthelannisters.tumblr.com/  
> also thank you so much to the ppl who have read, liked and commented, it means a lot to me

Carmilla disappeared into a cloud of black smoke immediately after their little talk, allowing Laura to finally take in everything that had happened that day.

The next few hours was spent having a drink, or 10, whilst her phone blew up with text messages from Laf and Perry asking her if she was alright.

She ignored them, too tired, or perhaps too drunk to even be bother replying. Her bed was the only place she wanted to bed, all curled up in her PJs watching mindless TV whilst downing some sickly sweet vodka and lemonades…. Also a tub of ice cream, a tub of ice cream was crucial… and maybe so cookies… and more alcohol.

She had half a mind to try and call Carmilla back, but remembered that Carmilla didn’t ‘belong’ to her anymore, a fact the dark haired angel made abundantly clear. She didn’t know why she wanted to call the angel back, probably to yell at her, yelling seemed pretty therapeutic to Laura at the moment.

The fact that Carmilla was indeed real, frightened her more than anything. All these years being told there was something wrong with her, even believing it herself…. Was all a lie. Years of hating herself, yet finally overcoming it and moving on with her live. What did this all mean now?

All the friends she had lost, the rift between her and her father… all wasted years.

She knew for a fact that she couldn’t let Carmilla into her life like before, no there definitely had to be boundaries. She didn’t want a repeat of the past, now that she had finally moved on. No her friends and school life were more important. She was well on her way to becoming a professional journalist, and no guardian angel was about to ruin that.

And what about Sophie? The little girl was on Laura’s mind. What if the same thing that happened to her happens to Sophie? The poor kid has already lost her parents, Laura couldn’t bear to imagine her losing anyone else.

‘If Carmilla’s duty was to help people, why did she cost me almost everything?’ Laura couldn’t help but muse over the thought. And once again all she could feel was resentment towards the angel.

There was nothing but crap on TV, and two bowls worth as well as a ridiculous amount of alcohol, had left Laura feeling drowsy.  The TV became muffled noise as Laura slowly succumb to sleep.

It was her alarm that jarred her awake. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she defiantly remembered all the drinks she had had, as she woke to a pounding head ache and a churning stomach.

The comfort of bed didn’t last long, as Laura rushed to the bathroom, spilling her guts into the toilet.

 _‘Ugh this is why I don’t drink often’_ she thought to herself as she whipped her mouth, only to puke once more.

 

* * *

 

She didn’t bother getting up for school. Opting to laze around on the couch all morning, which would have been relaxing if wasn’t for crippling headache and constant waves of nausea.

A sudden knock at the door (which sounded more like a canon going off to Laura) forced her from her refugee.

She stumbled to the door, ready to give the person on the other side a piece of her mind, only to find an equally angry looking Perry on the other side.

 “Perry? w-what are you doing here” Laura stuttered.

Perry ignored the blonde, pushing past her with a huff “You didn’t answer any of my texts, Lafontaine told me you were sick, so I came to, well… make sure you’re not dead”.

“Well-“

Before Laura could finish Perry spun around, an empty bottle of vodka in her hands.

“Sick hmm?” questioned Perry, staring at Laura.

Laura had nothing to say, she didn’t have the energy to argue with Perry right now. She moved back to her previous position, sprawling herself across the couch, whilst Perry busied herself with cleaning up the bottles and food from coffee table. The room was uncomfortably silent, aside from Perry’s grumpy huffs.

There wasn’t much to clean so Perry soon joined Laura on the couch, sitting uncomfortably on the edge.

“Do you want to talk about it” she asked softly, placing a hand on Laura’s hair.

“Mmm” Laura hummed not really answering yes or no.

Perry sighed, even though they were friends she always found Laura little odd. They only really met through Lafontaine. Laura Hollis was indeed hard work, but Perry always did like a project. “Sophie was sad you missed her birthday, she said when you left so did Millie”.

That comment made Laura sit up, turning to face Perry.

“Does Sophie talk about Millie often” Laura asked.

Perry was taken aback by that question, it confused her, why would Laura care about her little cousin’s imaginary friend. “Um quite a bit I guess, she likes to tell us about the adventures Millie and her get up to” Perry answered as best she could, not quite sure why Laura was asking.

Laura nodded with an intense stare, but seemed to be trailing off into her own little world. “And it doesn’t bother you, I mean you’re not worried about her having an imaginary friend?”

“What? No” Perry laughed confused “Laura, she’s just a kid, it’s normal for little kids to play make believe”.

“But what if she was, I dunno, um, 15, and she still had an imaginary friend, would you worry then?”

Laura was now sitting uncomfortably close, that Perry shifted back an inch. The red head looked down, trying to avoid Laura intense gaze. “I mean I guess I would be concerned yes, having an imaginary friend at that age is a little odd, is it not?”

A pregnant silence fell between them, neither girl looked at the other, multiple thoughts running through their heads. The longer they remained silent the more worried Perry got, who finally glanced over at Laura. The blonde sat deep in thought, a look on her face Perry only saw when the younger girl was cramming the night before an exam.

“Laura… is there…. Did something happen the other day? Are you feeling alright?” Perry asked, a concerned hand reaching out to touch Laura’s forehead “You’re pale and sweaty Laura, if somethings wrong please tell me”.

Laura brushed the hand away, her mouth was so dry she could barely swallow the lump in her throat. With a shaky hand she wiped the sweat off her brow.

“I’m, I’m fine” she stuttered, turning to face Perry with an unconvincing smile “I was just curious, ya know, doing a new piece on the psyche of children, t-though I could get some info”.

Perry nodded with a doubtful uh-huh. “So everything is fine, I shouldn’t be worried”

Laura was about answer with the classic ‘I’m fine’ line, when suddenly-

“Laura are you in” Came the voice of the last person Laura wanted to see, followed by a familiar cloud of black smoke and Carmilla appeared in the middle of her living room. The brunette had a small smile on her face, looking slightly less sickly and pale compared to the other times Laura had seen her. She even had a slight glow, making her look more like the friend Laura had all those years ago.

Laura’s attention was fixed on Carmilla, perhaps not the best tactic, glaring at ‘nothing’ when you’re trying to convince you’re worrisome friend you are infact, ‘okay’.

‘ _No, no not now. Whyyyyyy now?’_

 “Sorry I know I said tonight, I just couldn’t wait to see you”. Carmilla smiled, she didn’t even acknowledge the fact that Perry was also in the room.

“Laura?” Perry asked, again that concerned nagging growing in her voice.

“Sorry” Laura said, her head turning a little too quickly to face Perry, who leaned back at the sudden movement “Umm I thought I saw a, uhhh… a bee, I thought I saw a bee, but I think it’s gone now” Laura quickly threw a glare over her shoulder at Carmilla who gave an apologetic shrug, “anyways, oh man look at the time, should be getting ready for class now”.

“Didn’t your class start an hour ago” frowned Perry.

“um… yeah, but today we’re… we’re having our lesson at a different building so they changed the times, you know how it is, dam university” Laura laughed awkwardly.

“Hmmm” Perry squinted, flashing a blank gaze in Carmilla direction, but saw nothing “Well alright then I’ll leave you to it, but please, text me if anything is wrong okay, you’ve been acting very odd today and I just want to make sure you’re alright”.

Perry pulled Laura into a tight hug, which to her own surprise the blonde willing accepted, whilst Carmilla watched on enviously.

The red head didn’t leave right away, as she stood half in and out of door, still trying to convince Laura to let her stay and look after her.

“Call me okay” Perry again reminded Laura, as Laura leaned against the door ready to close it at any moment. In the background Carmilla rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything, not wanting to further upset Laura. She knew the blonde was going to rip into her as soon as the door closed.

“I promise Perry” Laura smiled, and the red head finally allowed Laura to close the door behind her.

With a heavy sigh Laura turned, her back sliding down against the door, till she was slumped on the floor. She drew her knees to her chest and place her head atop, eyeing Carmilla warily. “You couldn’t have waited till tonight”.

She was so angry, Carmilla had almost made her look insane in front of Perry, the Angel had no regard for anyone else. She was so selfish.

Carmilla in her defence did look guilty, her eyes casted down to the floor, unable to look at Laura’s too tired eyes. “I tried, but I needed to see you”. The Angel hunched over and let out a quiet pained moan, so quiet Laura didn’t seem to notice.

“What about Sophie, this is twice now you’ve disappeared on her”

“Hmm” hummed Carmilla. Laura noticed that the slight glow the angel possessed just moments ago had dimmed, to the point it was almost none existent. Again the angel looked sickly and pale. And then Laura realised.

“It hurts you” she exclaimed, her body unravelled as she sat up straight “It hurts you, when I say those things, like that day, the day I sent you away”. Her voice trailed off, as talked more to herself than Carmilla.

“Why does it hurt you” Laura asked, or more demanded. She now was on her feet, crossing the room, but stopped so she and Carmilla were about 2 metres apart.

Carmilla sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “What does it matter”. She didn’t understand why Laura would suddenly care, it’s not like the blonde had been happy to see her. Perhaps she intended to use this new found knowledge to cause Carmilla even more pain. Not that it would matter anyways, she had already dealt the angel the ultimate form of suffering.

Laura huffed, of course Carmilla would be melodramatic. The brunette had a great talent of avoiding answering questions, whilst also looking tortured and brooding, to the point Laura wanted to smack the seemingly permanent scowl off Carmilla’s face.

“It matters because, believe it or not, I don’t want to cause you pain… I may not particularly like you sometimes, but I am not cruel, and if this… If I cause you pain then I am sorry, I will try my best not to do it anymore”. Laura felt odd saying those words, but she knew none of it was a lie. At some point during her little monologue she had stepped closer to the sickly angel, who was looking both shocked and wary by what Laura had said.

“You…You don’t want to hurt me” Carmilla asked. Her voice unusually vulnerable, full of such raw emotion, Laura felt her heart become gripped with guilt.

 _‘She thinks I want to… that I want to hurt her’_.

And for once Laura didn’t see Carmilla as her imaginary best friend or the woman her ruined her life. As impossible as Carmilla was, a creature that existed beyond the realm of morality, something magical and other worldly that Laura was still yet to understand, perhaps Carmilla was more human than she had every thought. As any good journalist should, Laura knew there was a story here, a past shrouded in mystery that potentially made Carmilla what she was today.

“No, you mopey idiot” Laura said, with a light (albeit uncomfortable) laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

It was a single breath, but it was a laugh or at least Laura counted it as a laugh, as the brunette shook her head, but there was a smile on her face, Laura could see it.  

“Mopey, that should be my new nickname”. They both chuckled out loud for that, though their laughs where short lived, they both seemed happier in each others company, something that hadn’t happened in over 6 years.

Carmilla relished in every moment she was in Laura’s company… even if it hurt her.

“Speaking of nicknames” Laura smirked, and Carmilla could already tell where this conversation was going.

“Millie is it?” and Carmilla groaned.

“Don’t start” the brunette said, crossing her arms.

“Millie… to my recollection you begrudging let me call you Carm, how in the world did you let that little girl call you Millie” Laura asked playfully. Millie it was such a ridiculous name for someone so mysterious and on the surface dark appearing.

“A story for another time maybe” Carmilla chuckled. She looked like a different person. Her eyes shining, looking awake and alive for the first time in ages, her face flushed with a light pink tinge, no longer grey like old snow and her glow was back. Faint, yet noticeable, a soft haze (nothing too extravagant) outlining her body.

And there was that familiar look in Carmilla’s eyes, the one reserved just for Laura. Like the blonde was the only thing keeping her tethered to this world… and maybe she was.

“I never expected to see you again” Carmilla whispered taking a step forward. Her eyes shining with what looked like tears ( _no it can’t be tears, Carmilla doesn’t cry_ ) and a warm yet quivering smile on her face.

 _‘Everything is moving too fast’_ a voice in Laura’s head screamed and she felt, frightened and distrusting again.

“Um, yeah me too” Laura mumbled, quickly moving backwards away from the advancing angel. Who stopped dead in her tracks at Laura’s change in mood.

“Laura?”

 _‘Ugh why does she have to say your name like that’_ Laura dared a glance at the frozen brunette who looked confused, like a kicked puppy _‘when did she get so sappy…where’s my broody Carm…NO DON’T, don’t think like that’_

Laura put her hands up in front of herself, her body defensive, warning Carmilla not come any closer.

“Look, this was surprisingly nice…. and all it’s just-“ Laura couldn’t finish, a lump in her throat had stopped her, but she hoped Carmilla had gotten the message.

Carmilla didn’t move, she respected Laura’s boundaries, even if it was like a kick in the gut… literally.

“It’s okay I get it…. This is all…. This is all a lot to take in, believe me I understand, perhaps more than you think” Carmilla smiled, more reassuringly than Laura thought she could after everything that had happened. “I understand you need time, but I’d like to see you again… if that is alright with you?”  


Now Laura felt like the bad the guy, Carmilla was being so calm, so patient, it made Laura feel guilty.

 _‘Don’t feel bad, she could be manipulating you’_ that little voice in her head whispered.

She was still angry, angry about everything Carmilla had done to her, but it was so hard to be mad the frail looking angel, who stared at Laura with big brown eyes, hopeful, frightened, heart broken, it was too much for Laura to bear.

And all Laura wanted to do was to yell, to curse and a scream at Carmilla, to make her go away and never come back, but she couldn’t even do that. She was too tired, perhaps too hungover at the moment for anything.

“It’s fine” Laura said, her teeth gritting slightly as if it was a challenge to get the words out. “But I think this is enough for today”.

“Yeah I should be getting back to Sophie, we’re gonna play Zookeepers today” Carmilla said with that stupid soft smile that made some irrational part of Laura jealous of Sophie.

“Tomorrow, you can come over tomorrow” Laura blurted out quickly… a little too quickly, she needed to say something to fix her apparent eagerness “but only tomorrow night… I don’t need you messing up my day again”, that should do it.

Carmilla winced physically clutching her side and Laura winced internally, she had done it again. But Carmilla smiled through the pain, she was getting to see Laura again.

“Sounds like a plan” she said with an uncharacteristically toothy smile.

They exchanged nods, and a promise of 7 o’clock tomorrow night. Laura offering to cook them dinner even though she knew Carmilla didn’t need to eat, though the angel seemed to enjoy what little food she did consume.

It was a date…. Well not a date, defiantly not a date date, just two… friends? Former friends? Acquaintances having dinner together.

It was obvious which one of them was looking forward to it more.

Unlike Perry Carmilla didn’t stick around, a cloud of black smoke engulfing her until she was gone, disappearing as if she was never there… a part of Laura wished that was true.


End file.
